Rivers and Ravens in Desolate Places

I would be lying to you if I said that I was strong enough or wise enough all of the time to not be bitter when those I thought I could rely on to be there for my wife and I in this difficult situation fail to do so. I am admittedly an idealist and as such sinfully and quite irrationally expect from others what I more than likely could never or would never do for them, myself. I am not in anyway proud of that nor content to be so. It is just the reality of who I am at this moment. (You are welcome to pray for me if you feel so inclined).

BUT- God in His never-changing always faithful in-spite-of-us way continues to provide everything we need  in spite of the reality of who we are or those we are privileged to call our friends. In fact He continues to do one better. He continues to speak to both of us and bless us in our daily needs through other unexpected sources and saints. And that is actually the point of my writing this.

You see it turns out that far from being intentionally thoughtless or unconcerned (as it tends to feel for me at times) many of our friends are simply human and busy or just overwhelmed and unsure of what to do or how to help. And given that it is an incredible & unexpectedly difficult situation that I find myself in, they are really justified in being and doing so. And I need to give them that space to do and be so as they are led and trust that God Himself will supply all of our needs for meaningful spiritual & emotional connections not to mention the other very practical financial needs we have as a family.

There really is no reason in the long run why I should be so offended and hurt by the absence of certain friends or financial provisions. Would I respond any differently were I in their shoes? Have I in the past? Probably not. But more importantly is it really their fault anyways? And who am I to judge anyway? I am no one of any particular importance or prestige...just another dependent human being cleaving to the grace of God, waiting for His power and his love to see me through. 

But here is the other thing that I am beginning to see in all of this: there is a very important and meaningful even providential reason why those I wanted to rely upon are absent. They were never meant to be my help through all of this to begin with...at least not all of the time or in the way I expect. God did not lead my wife and I to this valley to deepen our dependence on ourselves or other people. But rather He led us here to deepen our dependence on Him, to deepen our dependence on His Spirit, His sacrifice His provision and His love. And it is only my selfish disposition, sense of entitlement and lying heart that prevents me from seeing that in the moment. 

The truth is like Elijah (thank you Lance), Cindy & I have been led here, to demonstrate for the watching world the ALL-sufficiency of Christ. God did not lead us here to rely upon methods and men, to give praise to them or show how great they are. He led us here to flex His own omnipotent muscle as our Provider and Healer as our guardian and Shepherd, to show the might in his little pinky (I mean metaphorically of course...you theologians who are reading this) both to those who know us and those who don't. 

He led us to this cancerous wilderness to feed us with unexpected ravens and natural rivers: to bless us with the love of people we've never met before, to provide through ministries we did not know existed before, to stretch our faith to the breaking point and expand our understanding of His unsearchable unquenchable love so we can know Him more completely and glorify Him more openly. 

And when I think of it that way I feel rather blessed for the silent moments late at night when Cindy has gone to bed or when my phone fails to ring or a friend chooses not to drop by. I feel privileged to cry in my truck to a worship song on my way to work when no is looking. I feel honored to have to wait and wonder how God will provide for our next meal or take care of the impending bills that don't seem to ever go away. 

Anyways who am I to think that this hardship is not a blessing from God when it so clearly is? Who am I to feel unloved by an absent friend, a silent phone or a lonely evening? Am I really so different were I to watch from the outside? Why should I give in to my emotions when The Lord is so obviously present and near? I am a child that's who, simple desperate and lonely, sure, but also a child none the less who can only ever benefit from trusting in his fathers providential tender loving care. Are we not all, who call upon His name?

I pray that as you read this you are touched by God's Holy Spirit, that you will pray with me to ask for the courage to wait for the ravens and be content with the rivers no matter how dirty they appear, because one thing is true whether we admit it or not. If God has led you to the wilderness (as he has my wife and I) then know for certain that they are there. We just have to have the courage to ask for the eyes to see them and a heart to receive them. Lord bless you as you as you read this or pray for our family in this season. We feel privileged to know you (if we do) and share with you(if we don't). I pray this word has touched your life or will touch your life in the future as God has chosen to use it to touch mine. 

Chris

The Presence of Death and Life in Mortal Sickness.

 I am beginning to realize that even in sickness there is a certain presence of death which permeates the air of the room that sickness is in, even if the person infected is not necessarily going to die as a result of the sickness. After all any sickness is really just a symptom of the curse, an abnormality of creation, the result of a degenerating and broken world.  And although the Creator has sent his son into the world to redeem it, it is none the less still destined to be destroyed as a result of the curse. In fact it is in that very promise that we place our hope in as believers.  We are waiting for the restoration of all things. And in order for that restoration to be completed death must first fulfill its purpose and put an end to everything that is in subjection to it, including our fallen mortal bodies. As I sit here on the couch beside my wife on the eve of her first chemo treatment, I am overwhelmed by that reality.

I am overwhelmed by the simple reality that even though suffering is difficult and sickness painful, if we are a believer in Christ then it is none the less working toward our blessing. That is because it is also working to destroy that which has already been destined for destruction anyways so that we can experience everlasting life free from that very sickness and death which all of our life has haunted us. In other words far from being the source of our fear, death has become the instrument of our hope. For, when Christ by the power of the Spirit, had overcame the grave He was granted the power to release as many as He wills from its grasp as well. So that death is now turned in on itself. Far from ending us it is now the instrument of our salvation.

This was the conviction of Paul the Apostle and it undeniably permeates his writing. He understood as I am only now beginning to understand, in my spiritual adolescence as a believer, that death far from being the end of life is actually the inauguration of it, in Christ. So death is not really just death for the believer but the death of death. And that death of death is really life everlasting for the person who believes in Christ and has been set free from the power of sin and death through His sacrifice. So sickness far from being the despairing reality that my flesh would have me to believe that it is is really just a road marker on the long narrow difficult path to my hard won future life.

Now that in no way takes away the pain of the actual experience. And it in no way takes away from the awful reality that I must shortly watch my precious wife suffer through her first two weeks of chemo therapy. It doesn't make it any easier to shoulder the burden of caring for our family.  And it certainly doesn't make the loneliness of our journey any less so. But it does give my wife and I a certifiable hope that we can hold on to, a secure and lasting anchor that we can rest in together. And I am thankful for that.

I am thankful that in addition to forgiving my sins, giving me a wife and a family to love and be loved by, that the God of all creation has also provided me a sure and lasting future hope to hold on to in the here and the now. I am thankful that in addition to that hope He has also surrounded me with other saints who are holding on to the same unchangeable hope who are willing to remind my wife and I of that hope as often as we have need. I am thankful that in spite of my selfishness and sinfulness (also the product of death…another topic for another time…) or my wife’s (she’s still a sinner saved by grace) God is none the less still working out these terribly difficult circumstances for not only our own individual good but also the corporate good of His entire body.  

These are my thoughts the night before treatment number one. If you think of my wife and I please continue to keep us in your prayers. For while we both know the truths I have written about here and hold on to them like a child to their father’s leg, we are still only human and easily subject to the turbulence of our own every changing emotions not to mention the physical realities of my wife’s sickness. May the Lord keep you and ground your hearts and minds in the future Hope that Christ has affected on our behalf, his faithful patient pilgrims. 

Be a man! (But what does that actually look like?)

"When David's time to die drew near, he commanded Solomon his son, saying,

'I am about to go the way of all the earth. Be strong, and show yourself a man,

and keep the charge of the LORD your God, walking in his ways and keeping his statutes, his commandments, his rules, and his testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses, that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn...'" -Kings 2:1-3

The world says "be a man" but what does that actually mean? If I were to sum up for myself what I believe the world is saying to me as a man it is this: "Live for yourself. Think only of your own needs. Sacrifice everyone & everything to get what you want. Be the most important person in the room. Get all of the attention and praise you can for being you. In other words, be a child." But the words of King David to his newly appointed heir stand in complete opposition to this. They are poignant heart felt words, filled with all the heartbreak and wisdom of a man who truly knew what it meant to be a man for better and for worse.

David tells his son to show himself a man and then goes on to explain exactly what he means. He tells him to be strong, to keep the charge of the LORD, to walk in HIS ways, to keep HIS statutes, HIS commandments, HIS rules and testimonies. And then He tells him why: So he will prosper in everything that he does and everywhere he goes. SO to recap: The world says live for yourself. David tells his son to live for God. The world says make your own rules, do what you want, be your own boss make a name for yourself by being the most important person you can be. David says, submit to the laws statutes rules and commandments of God and you will prosper.

These two world views could not be more different from each other. And I am humbled by that very obvious reality. For while I daily strive to follow the instruction of scripture to be a man (like David) I live in a world that defines being man as being a child. And while I strive to daily rely on the strength of God in every circumstance I live in a world that says be the strongest I can be at any cost. And I guess the point that I am trying to make is this. If I want to be a real man then I need to recognize what a man actually is. I need to surround myself with men who value being a real man. I need to saturate my mind with examples of real men. And as cliche as it may sound in this post modern age "real men follow Jesus". I'll take it even a step further.

Real men are saturated with, dependent on, fulfilled by and confident in Jesus Christ: His ministry, his person and his sacrifice. In other words real men submit...to God...no matter what. And this submission is practical, it is consistent, personal and active. We don't typically think of submission when we think of being a man. We think of others submitting to us and not the other way around. A common argument in marriage often revolves around the idea of a wife not submitting to her husband or a husband not loving her as Christ does. But the truth that Paul repeatedly conveys in his epistles is the reality that to love is to submit...to God. It is to rely on Him for our needs as a man. It is to sacrifice for the benefit of another at the cost of ourselves..speaking as a man.

And I guess the reason I am writing this is because God in His providential leading has led me to the place of having to take care of our family on my own (with certain help from others when they are available). With my wife Cindy being diagnosed with Stage 4 Hodgkin Lymphoma and beginning Chemo in the next few days or so I have been put in the unusual position of having to rely on the Lord as a man in ways I have never had to before. And it is correcting me in ways I didn't know I needed to be before. It is redirecting my mind and my heart away from the worldly influences I did not previously realize my actions were being influenced by. It is showing me things about myself I never knew I needed to know. It is instilling in me the reality that weakness is not the disability I always thought it was, or the detriment the world says it is. And I guess I just needed to communicate that to someone else. Who knows maybe there's someone out there reading this who needs to hear it. I know I do.

Now you may ask, what does this have to do with David's words to Solomon. And the short answer is this. Standing on the cusp of death David understood the singular reality that in order to be a truly strong man and by extension a good & strong king, he needed to be a man who could take orders from his King, the true King of Israel, the true captain of his soul, the real commander of his being. You see if you or I desire to be strong in this life we must first learn to be weak and dependent, frail and incapable no matter what the world tells us. We must learn to be served by God in the gospel, to accept his help and his care, his instruction his power and His provision if we are to properly love others, serve others and care for them. If we are to lead we must first be led. If we are to be men (and women) of God we must choose to do what the First Adam failed to do and follow the example of Christ and do what He succeed in doing , in the power of His Holy Spirit. We must submit to the word of God, and not just the parts of the Bible we like either. We must be led by the Holy Spirit and submit to the full counsel of God's Word. We must submit one to another in the fear of the Lord because that is what it means to walk by faith and that is what it means to walk with God to rely on Him for your every need. That is what it means to be a christian.

But no one not even myself can do any of this on our own without first visiting and revisiting the gospel of Jesus Christ on a daily basis and the reality of what He did for us in our place. To be truly strong we must first be truly weak. To be truly weak we must see ourselves for who we really are. That is why we need the gospel. In that moment when David was confronted by Nathan for his sin with Bathsheba he was inevitably confronted with the reality of who he really was as a man and his need for God. He finally saw the truth and it broke him utterly and completely. Some might even say he never really fully recovered from it. But just the same in that moment he also saw and was confronted with the God of grace and mercy. And you might say he never really fully recovered from that either.

I cannot help but think that these two realities (the reality of David's sinful mortality and the reality of God's abundant grace were both present in David's thoughts in that moment when he spoke to the son of his forbidden wife Bathsheba. I cannot help but think that he trembled a little inside as he recalled his own failings and the mercy of God as he exhorted the son of the woman he took from Uriah. And it is that thought even now that humbles me and ministers to me as I write this. Who am I to receive the commandments of God? Who am I to receive the Gospel of His beloved son? Who am I to receive the the awesome privilege of caring for the needs of our family, of sitting beside my precious wife as she begins her chemo? Who am I that God would allow such an extraordinary opportunity to show Himself strong on our behalf? It is too much to bear if I think about it too long. But here we are.

And the one thing that is sustaining me right now are those simple words from that experienced dying father to his young inexperienced son: "Show yourself a man". Oh how I want to. And I am sure you do as well (if you are a man reading this or even a woman). But I know even if I don't, even if I utterly fail to do what David is saying to do (and I will at some point) there is one who has not failed. And He never will. He has gone before me on my behalf to do what I could never do for myself, in spite of me. And it is He who urges me on even now to forget the failings of my past, to move forward in His strength in faith that He is who He says He is. It is he who gives me the strength in this adversity to carry on.

Precious saints of God (or whoever is reading this) will you come with me in prayer and in daily practice to that everlasting living final Davidic King and hear the words of His Spirit as he speaks to us through His servant David in the scriptures, "Be strong, and show yourself a man (a woman or a child),and keep the charge of the LORD your God, walking in his ways and keeping his statutes, his commandments, his rules, and his testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses, that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn..."? Let's choose to walk together as joyful submissive patient pilgrims and actively trust in the power and wisdom of the One who went before us, who speaks to us daily to be strong in His might no matter what that looks like. Let's show the world what it really means to be a man or a woman in this world by submitting to the One who gave us His very life.